So its been a month now and I think I have hit a wall. I haven't been with someone for more than a year, I have liked a few people but it has always sorta fizzled out after the twitterpation is gone. Sad but true. This time its different, the guy that I am seeing wants to take things slowly and that's something that I have never done before. Well that's half lie, when I was 19 I was in a long distance relationship and had to wait 4 months to see my man, but even then we had moved super fast, in the space of 4 months of talking long distance we had "fallen in love" and wanted to get married and in the end I broke it off because it was too much too fast. Which is why I agree with taking things slowly, I guess I'm just having a hard time with it. Like I understand the concept of taking things slowly so that you can build a relationship after the twitterpation is gone, but its seriously harder to be in the situation and deal with it, than just talking to your friend about it. Its kinda intense. 


               So what I'm feeling is that now that the twitterpation is less {like its still there, i still get butterflies when he hugs me and says sweet things but now I feel comfortable with him and we are exclusive to one another so I know that I dont have to worry about him just not being there tomorrow, I know he will be here there for me tomorrow and he would talk to me if anything does come up that could potentially hurt me.} I feel like I have to work so hard to make it last, I guess that I dont have enough confidence in myself that things can work out and that I dont have to work super hard. I have the confidence that I can draw good looking guys in, I'm not scared of that... er concerned about that, but because I haven't been in this kind of situation in such a long time, if ever, I feel like I'm freaking out about nothing. Sometimes I feel like I need to spice things up just to make sure that he still likes me. It scares me a little, that things could fall apart and it would be my fault... because I am freaking out. Ugh.... I just dont want to ruin things. When I'm with him things just seem to work out, and I feel like if I dont keep him interested he won't stick around, because its how everything has always been with me and guys. I really don't like to be like this but I just dont know how to not freak out. Maybe praying about it and really asking for patience. The thing is I have been praying for that and now it seems that it has run out or I just cant do it anymore. I guess what I am looking for is encouragement that everything will work out and things will be fine in the end. 




     That's all for now, if you have any comments or advice for sure post it! I would love to hear some advice!