So its been a month now and I think I have hit a wall. I haven't been with someone for more than a year, I have liked a few people but it has always sorta fizzled out after the twitterpation is gone. Sad but true. This time its different, the guy that I am seeing wants to take things slowly and that's something that I have never done before. Well that's half lie, when I was 19 I was in a long distance relationship and had to wait 4 months to see my man, but even then we had moved super fast, in the space of 4 months of talking long distance we had "fallen in love" and wanted to get married and in the end I broke it off because it was too much too fast. Which is why I agree with taking things slowly, I guess I'm just having a hard time with it. Like I understand the concept of taking things slowly so that you can build a relationship after the twitterpation is gone, but its seriously harder to be in the situation and deal with it, than just talking to your friend about it. Its kinda intense. 


               So what I'm feeling is that now that the twitterpation is less {like its still there, i still get butterflies when he hugs me and says sweet things but now I feel comfortable with him and we are exclusive to one another so I know that I dont have to worry about him just not being there tomorrow, I know he will be here there for me tomorrow and he would talk to me if anything does come up that could potentially hurt me.} I feel like I have to work so hard to make it last, I guess that I dont have enough confidence in myself that things can work out and that I dont have to work super hard. I have the confidence that I can draw good looking guys in, I'm not scared of that... er concerned about that, but because I haven't been in this kind of situation in such a long time, if ever, I feel like I'm freaking out about nothing. Sometimes I feel like I need to spice things up just to make sure that he still likes me. It scares me a little, that things could fall apart and it would be my fault... because I am freaking out. Ugh.... I just dont want to ruin things. When I'm with him things just seem to work out, and I feel like if I dont keep him interested he won't stick around, because its how everything has always been with me and guys. I really don't like to be like this but I just dont know how to not freak out. Maybe praying about it and really asking for patience. The thing is I have been praying for that and now it seems that it has run out or I just cant do it anymore. I guess what I am looking for is encouragement that everything will work out and things will be fine in the end. 




     That's all for now, if you have any comments or advice for sure post it! I would love to hear some advice!

Sometimes Girls Have a Hard Time Communicating.....GROW UP

So I was doing my hair on the couch because I was watching one of my favorite shows, and one of my roommates said in a very snooty voice "I think its funny how your doing your hair in here" I was just like yep. Ask my friends, when I want to watch TV or something I will bring my straightener with me and I will just clean up afterwards. So then she left in a hurry, and so did another roommate and then one of them came back in took one look at me doing my hair still and said something along the lines of "Oh My G**" and then stormed back out slamming the door behind her. When I first moved in this same girl had told me that when she has a problem with someone she will tell them and not create drama. Uhh running out of the room just by one look at me and then acting like nothing is wrong is drama. I try to stay away from drama at all costs. Sometimes I get stuck in the middle, I have no idea why. I think sometimes i rub people the wrong way. Unfortunately I can't change my personality for every single person otherwise I just look like a two-faced fake person. And that is not me in the least. SO here is the solution to all of this. LETS BE ADULTS AND TALK TO ONE ANOTHER WHEN WE HAVE PROBLEMS. Its not hard, just do it, NO EXCUSES! Done with the drama. So yes. THE END! lol

So have you ever had one of those days where you just dont want to do anything but you have a ton to do! well that is today! I moved into a new apartment today and I just went to sleep on the couch cuz I did not have the energy to unpack and since sleeping on the couch I still dont have the energy.  I just feel like wasting the day away, except at the same time I feel like I should be busy or doing something. I feel like I have to get into a new groove and adjust to new people, but I think it will be a good thing. I will have to find out the people who I can trust and the ones who aren't trustworthy. Some people will get along with me and some won't. Some people are going to get on my nerves on the first few times that I hang out and others will get on my nerves down the road when the little things that they do finally strike a nerve and explode. But that is what life is about I guess. Learning lessons one at a time and just trying to get thru life as best we can. I need to learn that better. Ugh! why is it so easy to follow other peoples advice but it is so incredibly hard to follow your own advice! geez! 

Its Hard To Stand Strong When Your Not Strong Enough To Get Up On Your Own

recently my life has hit a very rough time emotionally. i thought i was at the end of my rope a few days ago, but its amazing how much the body and soul can go through before you break. i think i can still got a few more shoves without breaking, but im right at the edge of breakdown... its going to take one last thing to just make the tears overflow. all the sadness is just going to come out in one sweep and i dont think anyone will understand or just let me cry beside them. they will all think i am just creating drama or wanting to be the center of attention. that's not my purpose. for that very reason is why i dont like to cry in front of other people and i try to keep in my emotions. i can talk to anyone. i need to learn how to deal with it on my own. i need to be strong. i live on my own and i need to start acting like it. its nobody else's business how i am doing, I'm not meaning that to sound rude to everyone else i am just meaning that i shouldn't load all my sadness onto someone else in hopes that everything will be better. i need to just either keep things in or learn to find a way to make things better for myself, by myself. if i dont rely on anyone else i cant get hurt by anyone else. .... all this sadness around me makes it hard though, it makes it hard for me to get up and stand strong. its so hard. but i know i need to do it. i cant keep relying on others. it wont do me any good. i just need to find someone constructive that i can do so that i wont be so sad and down all the time. I need to stop crying, cry is weak.

Confusing Equation

i met this guy in a munch and mingle and i met him thru my friend jake, a guy i met a while ago at another munch and mingle. but this guy his name is dwight, like off of the office. but he is super cute and he started to talk to talk to me before i talked to him. is that a good sign or is it just me overthinking things? also we exchanged numbers and and he wants to hang out with me. idk but i had a feeling about him that was just good. not like twtterpation or hes really cute. i just had this really good feeling. like this was a good thing. anyways its confusing for me. i guess. ill let you know what happens oh an i am going to DC for the summer to sell pest control. hoepfully iw ill make enough money to buy a car. 

wikidi what what!

So I went to the Holi Krishna Festival of Colors yesturday and i got completely covered in colors chalk. it was pretty intense. not to mention i ate a ton of it. when they threw it up it was like i was at the site of deconstruction. there was just this cloud that went over everyone and it was dark and nobody could really see anything for like 20 seconds. it was pretty intense. i loved the whole thing... well minus somethings.. but it was funny at the same time. take for example... we parked like forever away.. i mean we had to walk about what felt like 2-4miles there and back. so not only was i in flip flops{bad choice lol} but walking 4-8 total in flip flops i got blisteres and my arms were so cold since it was like freezing yesturday and stuff that when we did get back to the car i didnt get feeling in my hands and arms till like 30 mins later. it took that long. not to mention the fact that the driver of the car doesnt get that cold but she does warm up fast so the heat was only on me for like 15 mins before she turned it off.. oh another thing this lady was scared that her moms truck{not a little truck a big F250 truck with a full bed and an added suspension chassy} was going to break after we got on the back of it. there were like 10 people in it before us.. it was not going to break it was not going to get hurt she was just in a bad mood and was like cussing at us... chill for a bit your fine. just chill. anyways thats it for now