Scared

     So sometimes, it get scared and don't know how to handle myself. I've had to deal with some pretty tough things. I've started to open up more, but I don't know how to bridle my emotions. Im scared of my own emotions. I know that sounds stupid, but its the truth. I don't know how to handle my emotions. Is it better to be honest with someone about how you feel or is it better to just let things take their course and end up getting hurt? I definitely don't like to get hurt and that's why I put up so many walls. Strong and tough walls. Walls that only certain people have the keys to. I met someone who for some reason has a lot of keys. I didn't choose to give them those keys. We just get along so well, so naturally that I can be basically myself around them. I feel so at ease around this person, and I fear that if that person read this post they would turn heel are run from me. So is it better to keep things hidden or to show myself. I feel so torn, if I show myself I fear I will scare people I care for away. And if I hide my emotions that's just as bad as not being myself. 

     Maybe I am worrying to much, but I am just tense about things like this lately. If you are reading this it may not make much sense, but it makes a lot of sense in my head, minus the whole confused thing. I just have a good content feeling when I am around this person, I know it was brief and fleeting, but it felt good, warm. Any thoughts on what I should do?

Stupid Boys

Ugh boys are so stupid, first they are so sweet and they make it seem like they are gonna be worthy of being with you, and then you wake up to them trying to cop a feel. Or Or Or you think they were flirting with you and you think its so cute, but then you come to find out they didn't even know that they were flirting with you. They just were being themselves. 

I can't stand how stupid guys can be. I think I have reserved myself for becoming a nun and just not dating. I know someday that I will find love and get married, but the getting there part just sucks! I don't like it at all. I was dating this one guy, but I don't know if I should pursue things with him. I mean I just, I made it clear that I didn't him touching me in certain areas and he continued to do so. Doesn't that put up a red flag? 

I love the saying "you can't have the cookie unless you buy the whole package". I like to stand by that. I mean no guy is going to stay around if he can get what he wants. And I am not going to be the one to give them what they want unless I am married to him. I deserve to be treated better. I mean I'm not expecting prince charming, but I do deserve to be treated with respect. and dignity that every woman deserves. I don't think thats too much to ask. Lets refer to the song Born to Die by Lana Del Ray

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry, sometimes loves not enough and the road gets hard.

just because the road gets hard doesn't mean you get to treat my like crap! its ridiculous!  anyways I've said my peace. 

peace&love!